Goodness me, is it that time of year again already? I'm not getting any younger.

Season's greetings to the lot of you; I'll be "celebrating" by curling into a little ball and wondering when it's all going to go away.

Zing.

Edit: Stalwart associate Julia Mandelbrot has picked this auspicious day to launch a myspace presence. Check him/her out!

Props to the Dapper Swindler, who in a rare moment of knowing what the Internet is sent me this link to a fabulous looking Weltmeister Caprice. Now I can't afford it (obviously), but I can afford to reproduce the brilliantly translated disclaimer at the bottom of the page. Or should I say "beside the anterior of the webbed location"?

"For shipment damages I do not take over adhesion. Everything which I auctioneer is before for its condition and function - if differently not indicated - examined. Complaints after dispatch cannot be accepted (even if no outward damage is identifiable by the package) I sales fair, which one sees also on my evaluations. I can be responsible however for it if a courier driver the package with your article, inadmissibly and not with ensure-fall to enough treated.Insured postage ! (DPD International Express) The article (like that as it is) from private sells to request to have it understanding for this reference. Because after the new legislation I am to be pointed out obligated that I do not take over warranty / guarantee for the offered article. This does not mean that the article is not correct, but rather that I cannot naturally carry the guaranteeing out required by law as a private person."

Hey though, before we get too merry... this is still way above my German. Just bear it in mind the next time somebody tells you that there are no rules in language so long as meaning is clear. Take THAT, Orwell!

Well there's a newcomer in the race for the coveted FaceOmeter "best short story ever" competition, in which so far none of the candidates are disadvantaged by having been dead for many many years. Alongside James Joyce* and Roald Dahl**, up pops Katherine Mansfield:


Much to my shame, I'd not encountered Kathy before, but now her stories are large trees going into the sawmill of my brain and coming out as delicate little shards of love. If, like me, you were IGNORANT of her before now, do yourself a favour and pick up her selected stories, available annotated with an excellent introduction in OWC for an outrageous £6.99 (£2.25 from the amazon marketplace, bless it). The best story so far is named after the Coleridge poem "Something Childish but very Natural", which I've reproduced below because it, too, is awesome. For my money the story sits up there alongside "The Dead" and "Taste", and this is probably the only place in the world you'll find those three stories mentioned in the same sentence. FaceOmeter: proving arbitrary judgments of artistic merit arbitrary since 2003!

*I know, but you know.
**Yesssssss


If I had but two little wings
And were a little feathery bird,
To you I'd fly, my dear!
But thoughts like these are idle things,
And I stay here.

But in my sleep to you I fly:
I'm always with you in my sleep!
The world is all one's own.
But then one wakes, and where am I?
All, all alone.

Sleep stays not, though a monarch bids:
So I love to wake ere break of day:
For though my sleep be gone,
Yet while 'tis dark, one shuts one's lids,
And still dreams on.

Ladies and gentlemen, it is with great pleasure that I announce the newest FaceOmeter sister initiative, the FaceOmeter Web Log (fOwl). fOwl will incorporate this blog and a series of video podcasts filmes by ME and cut by ME, perhaps from the streets, like ME. For the video podcasts we at team Face are incredibly lucky to be under the caring eyes of Ceridwen Brown, who's making us a stop motion animation for the opening credits. Footage for the first two episodes is also complete, and they'll be appearing soon.

In episode one I go to a Jeff Lewis gig, and in episode two Max and I drive to Exeter to play a gig. Compelling viewing. And if you can't wait till I sit down and beat my head against the rock that is WMM to produce them, I've got a song from that Exeter gig live right now for you to look at. It's here, and also embedded over at myspace.

This is the final in what is, for now anyway, a quartet of essays on the subject of the vibe. If you haven't got it (/got "it"?(!)) by now then there's no point continuing, but in an effort to combat the sectarianism which is already arising from the tendancy amongst some to use words like "multi" and "super" interchangably, I take this chance to lay out an exact heirarchy of terms, starting with the best and moving down. A-like so:

Poly
Pulti
Multi
Hyper
Super
Special
[normality]
Standard
Blandard
Hatred
Breaktred
Destructo
Terror Zone

Other posts in the 'Vibe' series:
What is "it"?
The Vible - A fragment
An exposition

I've linked to yahtzee's superb Zero Punctuation reviews before now, but this one deserves an entry of its own. Complete genius. I know it's trendy to like him in nerd communities just now but I'll jab forks into my eyes and so on and so forth and blah blah blah CHECK IT OUT.

PS. DON'T read the millions of idiots in the comment forum afterwards. Censorship of ignorance* people!

*a cunning double-edge phrase of my own spinning. i am the words man.

Props to S Carter, who commented as follows in response to an article about the fact that policeman brutally gunned down an electrician because he looked foreign.

"It seems that a lot more people die in filthy hospitals under the care of the NHS, than at the hands of the Police. Keep it in perspective."

Yes, S, it's really us that has the perspective problem, isn't it? As long as the police kill one fewer per year than the total number of people suffering from fatal diseases in hospitals, the filthy libertarians should keep their filthy, sick pie-holes closed! PS. Ban Video Games

...I'm getting too old for this shit.

(the content of that article is shocking enough - thanks to JC for the tip-off)

I need to clear up something about "it". Please note that "loving it" is not necessary to secure the presence of either the vibe OR the drill. Loving it is what will happen WHEN your respect for and knowledge of both drill and vibe have paid dividends.


"It", in other words, is the target of the religion, the irrepressable excitement that rises up in your heart and lungs when everything is just going really well and, basically, you love it.

Unless it's said with bile, in which case "it" is the M25. But that's a completely different "it" and not to be confused with this one.

Oh and then there's "it" in the sense of "doing it", which is allied to the "it" that one loves, has nothing to do with the M25 whatsoever, and would take far too long to explain. I don't think anyone's figured that "it" out yet. It's probably the second hardest concept to explain in the universe, after "fass". Maybe I'll try one day.

Right well Jeff Lewis is STILL simply the best, better than all the rest. But of all the hundreds of billions of times I've seen him, that was right up there. Fantastic. Sorry to sound like such a drooling fanboy, but there it is.

It's been a difficult couple of weeks for an array of different reasons; there've been highs and lows, ups and downs, cocktails, near-death experiences, conversational latin, coffees, Philip Pullman, basements, inferior library cards, Walter Pater, the smell of KFC, the taste of Carluccio, empty gigs, full hearts, full brains-

But Jeff Lewis is the great healer. Bring it on, Exeter. It is time.