I suppose I was asking for this.

ACT ONE:
An autumnal schoolyard. Leaves whip from the trees. Two fifteen year old boys pace across the tarmac.
James Hinds: So I've got this new band, and you should see the drummer. They call him simply "Alex". Come to our garage and I'll show you more, you prattling nerd.
Will Tattersdill: Spaceships &c.?

ACT TWO:
Winterbourne, some time later. What was all that about eh lads?
Alex Jackson: I learnt the drum beat to 'In Bloom'! This is the best day of my life! You probably don't know it.
Will: Au contraire, I heard 'Nevermind' for the first time just last night, despite this being around 2001. Odd you should choose today to mention it.
Jamie Hinds: What's Gandalf's Horse called then Billyvanilly ahahahaha*

ACT THREE:
The Garage, early 2002. Twilight. Our two protagonists, alone.
Fatman Packson: That's a pretty good rhythm you have going there, Will.
Will: It is?
Whacko Packo: Yeah, you just need to hold the sticks like... this
He puts his arms around will from behind, holding the drum sticks.
Will: Oo! Sorry, your hands are so cold!
Alex: Let the beat come from within you...
Will: (gazing into Packo's eyes) Yes... from within me...
Wait a second. This never happened!
Jim Hinds: What's going on in here lads? And can I join you?
This is spiralling out of control.

ACT FOUR:
Paris; the the spring. Of 2007.
Alex: J'ai oublie mon cayer
Will: I see that, unlike me, you speak french
Alex: I simply said, have you played Black on the PS2?
Will: I have not sir.
Alex: The graphics are exceptional, much like my Pro Evo skills. Would you like to play against me?
Will: Whilst I am glad that after years of vaguery and one curtailed romantic escapade involving rhythm we finally have a point of common interest which we can discuss, I have no desire to get rinsed by you at this average football sim.
Alex: Metal Slug 3 then?
Will: Zing!
The Jones: Swindling Secret Tech Digi Multi Hyper Special

ACT FIVE:
London/Oxford, the following Autumn.
Jim O'Reilly: Yeah I'm like so THE BIGGEST FAN of your blog, I mean like I read it EVERY DAY it's like SO COOL, I mean it's THE BEST.
Alex: (to himself, in the corner) Puny fanboy. I won't demean myself with this, despite liking Will's blog at least 4 per cent more than Jim.
Will: I bask in the adulation of everybody present, and will write a five-act tragedy surrounding my enduring relationship with you all.
Jim: But doesn't everyone die at the end of them?
Will: Tits?
Enter Geldred, stage right: the Deus Ex.
Geldred: Taste my savage fury!
He machineguns everyone. Fin. 

* of course, everyone knows now. fucking peter jackson.

PS. "Nick has spearheaded the Liberal Democrats' defence of civil liberties, proposing a Freedom Bill to repeal unnecessary and illiberal legislation, campaigning against Identity Cards and the retention of innocent people's DNA, and arguing against excessive counter-terrorism legislation. He has campaigned for prison reform, a liberal approach to immigration, and defended the Human Rights Act against ongoing attacks from across the political spectrum."

Liberal Democrat - You Know It Makes Sense(TM)